do you know the way to san jose?

my stock phrase for describing the san jose airport is this: "it looks like satan's interior decorator threw up and had explosive diarrhea simultaneously." it is my least favorite airport in america and yet i spend untold hours there each month, trying to shield my eyes from the overwhelming mauve-ness of it all while resisting the urge to sample some of their fine culinary fare, limited to california pizza kitchen asap (read: disgusting), mcdonald's ('nuff said), 360 gourmet burrito (before i get on a plane??), and cinnabon ('cinnabutt' is more like it!). oh yeah, there's a gordon biersch, but they don't serve food.

anyhoo, you can imagine my dismay when i read this little item today. what i wouldn't give for a distraction of this magnitude the next time i am boarding my four-hundred-thousandeth san jose-to-burbank flight:

"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul reportedly threw a "diva-like" tantrum while boarding an airplane recently, telling fellow passengers she was "too famous" to stand in line.

Abdul was boarding a Southwest Airlines flight from San Jose to Burbank, Calif., when she reportedly demanded to be given special treatment and board the aircraft first.

Eyewitnesses claim the star pushed her way to the front of a line of waiting passengers as one disgruntled commuter shouted, "You're no Sanjaya! You have to board like everyone else."

A source tells MSNBC.com's the Scoop, "She pulled a major diva trip. The other passengers were not amused. She asked to be let on the plane and seated first."

Abdul's spokesman has refused to comment.

(btw, that photo is taken from the official website of the city of san jose. the artlessness of this random photo of 'sjc' is merely a tish of a hint of the full-blown, harrowing blandness that is the city itself)