hey, dionne...

...i know the way to san jose! what a better way to end a 16 day european excursion than to come back and almost immediately turn around and travel to the city i love the best. two days and nights of breakneck-speed meetings and trips up and down the 101 (though i didn't have to drive, so consider this a half-whine). the good news about all of this: business is booming. the bad news: i fear no amount of xanax will make a dent in my free-floating anxiety.

a few observations from the trip abroad:

* boy, people sure do seem to hate america. even if standing silent in a line with one's u.s. passport in hand, observant europeans, upon noticing the passport, will throw lots of barbs your way, such as "look how that american is standing there looking so self-satisfied!" or "look how they are holding their bag!" or "i can't believe how loud they are" (even though you're whispering). if i'd had a backpack, i could've sewn a canadian flag on it, i guess.

* compared to rome, los angeles looks like the pinnacle of urban cleanliness

* compared to venice, los angeles is nearly bereft of graffiti

* i love paris in the springtime

* wine in europe is nearly free. i'm seriously considering a move just based on the economics of this alone. think of the savings!

* sharing a bathroom with one's mother & mother-in-law will lead to liberal and unembarrassed use of the terms "drop a deuce" and "where are the matches?"

* feeding said moms multiple bottles of cheap european wine will lead to tearful nostalgic ramblings and declarations of motherly love

* visiting stonehenge was better when you could walk among the stones

* visiting versailles is better now that they have rental golf carts available for exploring the grounds

* what bush has done to the value of the american dollar is criminal

* what bush has done on every front is criminal, too, come to think of it

* dogs are cute in every country

* if one of your main pleasures in life is shopping, make sure the one day you set aside to do it doesn't coincide with an obscure italian holiday on which every shop closes

* scale back your sightseeing when rome cabbies go on strike -- otherwise, your feet will be tired and you will board a bus that takes an hour to travel 100 yards

* when riding newark airport's interterminal train, beware of continental flight attendants wearing pantyhose

* if heaven exists, it must look a lot like switzerland

* listening to french pop while taking the eurostar bullet train to paris makes you feel like you're in a really cool music video in which you are starring and look fabulous

* if you find a toilet seat is broken upon check-in to your rome apartment, notify the management lest you be charged $35 u.s. dollars for someone else's too-vigorous bowel movement

* if you see an american with a rick steves' guide in their hand, prepare to encounter someone who packed two pairs of pants for a month in europe

* beware of lonely women in indiana university sweatshirts lying in wait in front of quaint swiss country inns as they will make you wish for a freak accident involving a large boulder dislodging itself from the adjacent mountain