in the line of duty

one of my many job duties is to troll the interweb in search of fresh material. i was hesitant to share this particular nugget with you for fear that you'd assume i am out looking for salacious videos, but it's too good not to share, even if it means risking my reputation as a paragon of moral virtue.

(warning: hard for me to say what's "nsfw" given i work from home and forget what constitutes "nsfw" these days, but i'd at least put some headphones on if you are in an office environment)

tears for beards

ok, i was going to write a post about how i went to trim my beard that i've let grow waaaaaay too long and how the beard trimmer's battery died so now i have a half trimmed beard and look like i escaped from the loony bin (or from the parking lot of the home depot on hollywood blvd) and am worried that if i go outside to our laundry room i am going to run into a neighbor out front, but then i came across this image using 'crazy beard' as my google image search term, and now i just want to share the image with you and then leave you to luxuriate in its awesomeness all by your lonesomes:

the fire and the fury

oh, my heart is so heavy (and my longtime companion is so relieved) because my three month long digestion of all 60 hours of 'the wire' has finally come to a close. there are tons of articles i considered linking to because the commentary on the show is so varied and so compelling (usually), but there are far too many spoilers sprinkled in for me to risk tainting the experience for any of you loyal readers who haven't seen it. erik lundegaard over at huffington post said it best, i think:

"I'm beginning to wonder if the five seasons of The Wire aren't the most relevant thing going in any media -- TV, news, books, movies, documentaries -- because it explains our world and it explains why our world is effed up."

i actually do think it's the best thing that ever hit tv (yes, even better than 'the sopranos' and 'buffy'), and to think that i almost bailed out after watching the first few episodes of season 1! if you haven't watched it and are inclined, make sure you stick with it past those first few episodes (which in hindsight brilliantly lay out not only characters and plotlines, but also thematic concerns that resonate all the way up to the final episode). again, thanks to all those who kept telling me to watch it. strangely enough, it's one of the few pieces of 'art' i've been exposed to that actually changed my thinking about the world. and with that, the blather ends.

now, for a list of goings-on and musings:

* someone is working a buzzsaw nearby and it is working my last nerve

* we are moving officially next week into our new project, er, house. it is a diamond in the rough (emphasis on rough), so we are hopefully going to have a little get together before the deconstruction begins so that others can experience the supreme vulgarity of it all before it's stripped down to its former self. i may even throw up a pic or two on this here blog.

* new music i'm liking: the kills and she and him (though this one is not as good as i'd hoped). i'm a mite disappointed in the newish magnetic fields.

* when they tell you to make sure you transition your dogs over to a new food gradually, they mean what they say. i'm living on the planet klingon, and i don't mean star trek, if you get my drift.

* tropical vacation only a few weeks away and it cannot come soon enough

* sat a table over from scott wolf of 'party of five' fame last weekend and he is quite small and quite youthful-looking. it's always fun to see folks from 'party of five,' '90210,' 'melrose place,' et al -- makes me feel young again!

adios, muchachos!

how many times has this happened to you?

DEAR ABBY: I am 27, and my wife, "Marybeth," is 26. We recently went to my folks' house for supper. That evening a heavy snowstorm was starting and, because the trip home is 30 miles, we decided to stay overnight.

My old bedroom is upstairs, as are the rooms of my brothers, ages 25, 24 and 22. The guest room is downstairs. Because the room is quite small, and Marybeth said she felt a cold coming on, we decided I'd sleep in my old room.

The next day, while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.

Abby, it wasn't me! She had mistaken one of my brothers for me in the darkness. We are all about the same size and build.

I have talked to each of my brothers (they all know about this), but they won't say who it was for fear of causing a rift between the guilty party and me. I told them that unless I find out who it was, there will be a permanent rift between all of us. (Marybeth still doesn't know it wasn't me.)

How do I handle this? -- ENRAGED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ENRAGED: While you and your brothers may have a strong family resemblance, I find it hard to believe that you all smell, taste and make love like clones. So please do not accept as gospel that your wife didn't have an inkling that it wasn't you. As to who actually crept into her bed in your absence, if your brothers won't reveal who the guilty party is, then they're all equally guilty, and I wouldn't blame you for severing ties with them.

It's time to have a serious chat with your wife and get chapter and verse on what happened that night. Then she should be tested for STDs and treated if necessary.

It is possible for a couple to get past something like this, if you're both willing to work at it. The shortest route would be with the help of a licensed family therapist.

oh yeaaaaahhhhhh!

do you ever wonder why we have a childhood obesity epidemic? well, wonder no more. be ready to cringe as i relate this exchange i just overheard:

"my kids are gonna have to learn how to fend for themselves. i said, 'you want some kool-aid? well, then: there's the water, there's the sugar, and there's the kool-aid packet. fix it yourself."

"you have to do that."

"yeah, and they know they aren't gonna get any soda. that stuff is so bad for them."

uh...what? and kool-aid is known for its smoothie-like properties? to wit, here is the list of "so much healthier than soda" ingredients:

Citric Acid, Salt, Modified Cornstarch, Red 40, Calcium Phosphate, Artificial Flavor, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Artificial Color, Natural Flavor, BHA (Preserves Freshness), Blue 1. Orange: Citric Acid, Maltodextrin, Salt, Calcium Phosphate, Natural Flavor, Ascorbic Acid (Vitamin C), Artificial Flavor, Yellow 5, Artificial Color, Red 40, Red 40 Lake, BHA (Preserves Freshness).

don't get me wrong -- i have consumed more than my share of kool-aid over the years, especially over this one specific six-month period my sophomore year of college (purplesaurus rex, 'twas). and who can forget snack time in kindergarten, sunday school, etc., where you were given a handful of 'nilla wafers and all the kool-aid you could drink.

kool-aid healthier than soda? apparently, the soda industry needs better PR!

i'm the decider

so apparently bush gave mccain more than just an endorsement this week. he apparently also gave him some lessons in how to behave with reporters:

behold 'senator hothead' in action

southwest's rapid rewards...of possible death and dismemberment

i fly southwest at least every other week, and sometimes every week, and even other times every few days.

i think i'll nap a little less soundly next time:

we're gonna put you in the sky and then drop your ass

because i love you people...

...i want to warn you away from a product. let me set this up for you:

i am making a concerted effort to eat healthier because a) i'm getting old and b) i've put lots of miles on this here body and c) my family health history tells me i may be in for some trouble down the line (hopefully far, far down the line). so, this involves mostly at least an organic fruit each day augmented by whatever else i can stand (yesterday it was soy pudding and fruit leather, plus salad). anyhoo, i likes the yogurt and have been incorporating that as well, mostly the horizon organic brand with the fruit on the bottom as i like that one the best, but often i end up with the stonyfield farm organic because it's easier to find. and regardless of brand, i've noticed it is very hard to find the same flavor from market visit to market visit for whatever reason. maybe oprah has a 'yogurt of the month' feature i'm unaware of that causes massive runs on specific yogurt flavors whenever it airs?

anyhoo, i just sat down to eat my yogurt o' the day, stonyfield farm organic fat free lotsa lemon yogurt (not pictured above, unfortunately). now, my general rule of thumb for health eating is to eat things that have not more than three words in their name. when you get up to 8, ala our friend lotsa lemon, etc., that starts to make me feel my meal is brought to me courtesy of dow chemical. not so with stonyfield farm, but i'm just sayin'.

so, like i said, i sat down to eat this and it is TERRIBLE. imagine chalk, milk and lemon juice and you're gonna be pretty close. grody to the max. now, i have had plenty of great stonyfield farm yogurt in the past, but i was forced into the fat free choice due to oprah-related or other influences on yogurt available in los angeles, and fat free is just nasty no matter how you slice it. so, if you value your tastebuds and $1.39 in food money, avoid stonyfield farm organic fat free lotsa lemon yogurt.

you're welcome.

give a little bit

it's time again for the canadian seal hunt, and if you disagree with the practice of clubbing baby seals to death, please make a donation.

now let me take a moment to step off of my soapbox and say the only thing i feel like saying about the presidential primaries: lordy, please don't let mccain win. besides the political and social implications, ask yourself this: how many times are you willing to hear the phrase "my friends" over the next four years? (confidential to miz mccain: have you seen a doctor lately? you are starting to turn raisin-colored!)

thank you for your time. mr. lefty has now left the building.

how could i forget this one?

it may be hard to remember, but the B-52's used to be really cool, at least to me in south carolina in 1979. in fact, i was obsessed, and this reminds me why:

'80s ladies

when life gets complicated, i like to travel back to simpler times, like 1981, sitting on the not-yet-replaced orange and yellow shag carpeting in the den, drinking a capri sun and watching the likes of these '80s vixens: