the isolated work of a wack job...

...or frightening glimpse of what may yet-to-be in atlanta?

bite-sized mind snacks

because i am so thoroughly scattered from work and also strangely hungover from consuming just a few glasses of wine over four hours and a honkin' bowl of linguini with clams last night, i only have it in me to give you a random list of bulleted thoughts, but you know you love it:

* am displaced from our los angeles home because of a tiny problem -- no exterior walls! so the mister has been having to sleep there with plywood temporary exterior walls in place. obviously, i would join him, but if i were there i would have to a) work all day there while the contractors carry on their male version of 'the view' without the sofas, cameras or soft lighting and b) keep the dogs shut up in my tiny office all day long, neither of which will work, so i am alone in the palm springs rental condo.

* all this time alone time on my hands has allowed me to a) start going back to the gym -- wish you could've seen the pandemonium and confusion i caused when i showed back up for the third time in the seven years i've had the membership -- and b) watched the first season of '30 rock' on dvd. run, don't walk, to get these for yourself. the show is brazilliant, though a random reference to 'a chrous line' led me to download that cast album and i've never felt gayer than when listening to it yesterday. damn you, '30 rock' -- i was seconds away from ex-gay status through intense prayer, and musical comedy re-gayed me! speaking of gay, i'm pretty sure i was in a children's theater production of 'peter pan' with the guy who plays kenneth the page (see pic above)

* over dinner at a friend's last night, heard a story from a guy about how he literally broke his peen (i'm trying to avoid using the actual word, 'cause the last thing i want is a bunch of superfreaks googling that term and ending up here). it may sound funny, but he almost died from it. blood-spurting male genitalia ain't no picnic, folks.

* have to go to san jose for the next two days, and leave it to sfgate.com to scare me to death. apparently the 5.6 earthquake they had last night likely put stress on the calaveras fault, which could trigger the cataclysmic big one that's been predicted for the region sometime in the next 25 years. i hope the fairmont hotel is on rollers, yo.

* thumbs up on 'the darjeeling limited.' trying to decide whether to see '30 days of night' this evening since it's halloween, but i think going to see a horror movie by myself would prove too creepy, even for me.

* the provolone and whole wheat cheese toast i made this morning seems to be helping my unexpected hangover. whee!

* approaching one month of not smoking and have not gone insane (yet).

may i recommend

so, thanks to a rare lazy sunday, i actually got to read the ny times all the way through (except the sports section, of course). so, let me share with you a few interesting pieces i came across, plus one atlantic monthly story.

we're living in the age of quirk

even in palm springs, it's not supposed to be 100 degrees in late october

the republicans' little values problem

the 1976 paul lynde halloween special sounds like it should be served with a side of hashish

1984

fema under fire for fake news conference

serving it up hot and not-so-fresh

in the tradition of bringing you the blog love in real-time and straight from the oven, we are able to share with you -- via photographer extraordinaire and traveler-through-many-states bartimus nagel -- a picture of the hottest crime scene since blohan hijacked a stranger's denali and ran her assistant's mother off the road in front of the santa monica police station.

yes, it's the larry craig memorial bathroom:



robot de lyrical can't say enough good things about having a professional photographer as a friend. not only do they use photoshop in the kindest way, but they also send you cool shit like this. thanks, barty!

there is such a thing as natural beauty

the beauty of horror

can't stop with the halloweenish video posting! somebody help!

boo!

gag me with a spoon, maria:

LONG BEACH, Calif. (AP) — Maria Shriver says she won't resume her TV news career, citing media coverage of the late Anna Nicole Smith.

Shriver, speaking Tuesday at a women's conference, noted the media circus surrounding Smith's accidental drug overdose death in February.

"It was then that I knew that the TV news business had changed and so had I," she said. "I called NBC News and told them I'm not coming back."

who ever said we wanted you back in the first place? i agree the anna nicole smith thing was crap, but i saw some of your reporting for dateline, and you are as big a filthmonger as anyone else. i take it you are insinuating that the news business has changed for the worse and is now beneath you. while i agree with your assessment regarding the news, i'd say the news business is down there joining you in the pit where you've always dwelled, you self-promoting freakazoid.

random halloween memory

mind-blowing

i bought a paper this morning and finally sat down to read it at 7:03, and what did i come across? an article saying that the white house heavily edited congressional testimoney given yesterday by the CDC regarding the health risks of climate change.

the document including the original remarks submitted for approval "was eviscerated" by the white house, according to a CDC official. and you will be surprised to hear that the white house had 'no comment.'

i know it's a tired cliche, but there is some seriously orwellian shit going down these days.

UPDATE: i first read about this on page a13 of the l.a. times (hmmmm, kind of important info to bury so far in the back, ain't it?), but now i see it's getting some legs.

speaking of legs, some animals got out of those cali fires as quickly as their little legs could carry them, and they need your help.

back in black...

...and blue. i can't wait to thrill and amaze y'all with the tale of my literally flying off of a stair landing, only to return to earth mere seconds later, directly onto my spine and lower back! oh, and make sure i don't leave the part out where they had to cart me away on a board and 'immobilize' me in order to avoid possible paralysis. oh, or the part where all of my sister's neighbors came to gawk! and did i mention there are pictures?

unfortunately, you will have to wait for this story as we returned to a witches' brew of crap to deal with. that said, i promise i will update you shortly with all of the gory details. plus, some musings on the eagles and their new wal-mart only album deal!

just a thought before i go

or several:

* i thought the sound of npr blaring from the backyard was annoying during contractors v1. who knew how annoying it would be to hear classic rock blaring from the backyard and country blaring from the front during contractors v2!

* during my 8 hour roundtrip to palm springs to drop off the dogs, i arrived at the rental to find a leaking water heater. as i mopped the water up, i thought 'i like not being a homeowner sometimes'

* contractors v2 are literally ripping the roof off of the house right now. pleasant and not a wee bit noisy, either.

* off to south carolina to look in on ailing family and celebrate a young one's bday. i'm looking forward to a xanax, one ipodded-episode of 'ugly betty,' and then an air-nap. attention flight attendants, as well as those pesky for-some-strange-reason-i-need-to-grab-a-hold-of-the-top-of-your-seat-with-both-hands-
to-propel-myself-up-and-out seat pullers and turbulence, don't come around this pretty thing if you know what's good for you.

news you need to know

how to avoid a staph infection

obama and cheney are cousins

drive careful, fellow palm-springers

stylin', profilin'

'catherine keener had a hairstylist on this movie?'

my favorite thing about los angeles is watching the temperature drop into the 60s and then standing back and watching the woolens materialize all over town. you would think a nor'easter was upon us from the knit caps and scarves and pea coats and pashminas and parkas. last night at the arclight, you would've thought you'd stumbled into an extras casting for "the day after tomorrow" if you didn't know better.

speaking of the arclight, we saw 'into the wild.' now there's somebody who was cold, ok? woot! color us surprised when we noticed that not only did vince vaughan have his own costumer for the film ('we must get this muscle t snugly on mr. vaughan, stat!'), but catherine keener had a hairstylist, and let me tell you they did not raise a brush within 15 feet of that rat's nest during production. jokes aside, if you get the urge to go live in the wild on your own, you may want to wait until it passes.

a few other thoughts:

* after taking yet another group of family members to a chinatown restaurant for 'real' chinese food, i'm starting to get the appeal of p.f. chang's (sorry about that, k & d!). things went downhill after the mister and i tucked into what we thought was turnip-wrapped beef cubes and realized it was actually beef-in-inch-think-sleeve-o'-fat cubes.

* the new contractor didn't come today because he was sick for "the first time in my xx years of contracting." mmmmm-hmmmmmm.

* if you feel like parting with $12, the peruvian drinking chocolate from whole foods is pretty much worth it, especially when you are having such a bad day that you snapped off a molar from teeth-grinding. the fried yucca from the whole foods hot bar, however, is best eaten fresh vs. heated up the next day.

* i don't want to jinx it, but looks like hawaii could be in my future. i can smell the coconuts, spam and bain de soleil already.

* i'm making a pumpkin pie tonight. 'cause i'm sweet.

* american apparel dog clothes are about more than just fashion and thrift -- they are about keeping your beloved four-legged children from freezing to death in this dreary 65 degree weather. i'm serious! this is bone-chilling cold we are dealing with here, people. in fact, i'm sure vince vaughan's costumer is running all over town right now dealing with it and small squirrels have nested in catherine keener's hair in an effort to stave off squirrel hypothermia.

the bird is the word

woot woot

you're the one for me, fatty

as a wee lad in south carolina, i never thought i'd one day be standing in a rundown hollywood glamour palace watching morrissey fling his shirt off to an adoring crowd, but that is the glory of it all, is it not?

we were lucky enough to see the moz during his 10 night stand at the palladium before he jets back to london (and an apparent youth-preserving hyperbaric chamber) and the palladium goes in for some much needed cosmetic work. and speaking of getting older, it is time for me to start wearing earplugs to concerts. there. i said it.

it has been a crazayzay week, folks, and that explains the lengthy absence from ye olde blogge. there is waaaaay too much activity going on up in heah (to quote ike & tina turner). for instance:

* fired old contractor. hired new contractor.

* quit smoking after the mister and i both took the good advice of friends and read allen carr's "how to stop smoking." who woulda thought a book could do what all kinds of prescription drugs can't, but i'm a believah! i long ago gave up routine 'during the day' smoking, but put a glass of wine (or eight) in my hands and i'd more than make up for it. but now, i drink a glass of wine and no smoking pangs. bizarro!

* watched some of the first episodes of the buzzed-about sex-a-thon hbo series 'tell me you love me' and it's growing on me. i think it could build into a pretty good show, but you can totally tell when they are using prosthetic peens vs. the real thing. speaking of, the actor sporting the prosthetic peen shops at our local gelson's and tj's and i often see him whilst there. he won't feel awkward next time our paths cross, but i sure will.

*flew to oakland, rented a car (a rash-inducing convertible pontiac crossfire, with busted sirius satellite radio no less), drove to san jose, had a meeting, drove to oakland for dinner with the delightful b&b at the delightful oliveto's, woke up, ate the best blt i ever had, drove to palo alto, went to a meeting, drove back to oakland, flew to burbank, cabbed it home and proceeded to clean the house for familial guests who arrive this evening.

...and that's all my stories. kisses and misses, loyal readers!

photo credit: la times

with a valium from the ground

it's thursday, and everyone needs a little neko case in their lives on thursdays!

the cute apple doesn't fall far from the cute tree

(my nephew)

'simulated drowning'? sign me up!

in case you were wondering if our government ever lies to us

'to hell with beyonce'

something to blog about

what with all the sturm und drang of daily life, i keep forgetting to share any pop culture frivolity with you kittens, so here you go...

i found recently that unless a book, tv show, movie, etc., involves someone i'm already pretty into, it doesn't necessarily make it onto my radar. i like to seek out new stuff, but it's hard to have the time when you're jazzercising as fast as you can. that said, i've found the time to catch up on a few new releases and feel the need to share:

* 'ugly betty.' man, i resisted this thing like crazy. for one, i don't get salma hayek's appeal beyond her prodigious bosom, but whatever. as far as tv series go, i'm pretty much an hbo-only tv snob ('buffy the vampire slayer' and 'the office' not withstanding), and that whole abc marketing machine gets on my nerves (speaking of, have you seen the horrific new 'desperate housewives' campaign where they are all photoshopped to the point of looking like melted barbies?). so, imagine my surprise when i ordered season 1 on dvd and fell in love with it. it's treacly and derivative in spots, but mostly it's very candy-colored and funny with a uniformly likable cast that includes some out-and-out fantastic character actors (becki newton, judith light, michael urie) and vanessa williams as a terrific villian. also, it doesn't make my head hurt in the least.

* 'heroes.' we're only three episodes in, but wow! i think you have to have a little bit of inner comic-book geek to enjoy this. funny that when evolution starts doling out superpowers it's to 95% insanely attractive people.

* i've been listening to a lot of good new music around here, so i'll just list it: ryan adams - easy tiger; rilo kiley - under the blacklight; new pornographers - challengers; bettye lavette - the scene of the crime; teddy thompson - up front & down low; tegan & sara - the con

* i should make mention of 'a night at the ritz' by office -- a friend's cousin's (twice removed) band's debut that is confectionary power pop and only 7.99 on itunes. also, the new annie lennox is surprisingly good; i tend to like her voice more than i like her music (i'm trying to stave off being included in the adult contemporary demographic as long as i humanly can), but so far, so good (and madonna guests on the album -- stranger than fiction!)

i just threw up

...from yahoo:

RUDY AND HIS CELL PHONE

Then on the other hand there is the case of Giuliani and his cell phone.

It rang just as Giuliani was addressing the National Rifle Association recently, and he pulled it out of his pocket and chatted to his wife, Judith, in mid-speech.

The incident had some of the NRA members rolling their eyes and even some of Giuliani's supporters thought it was a silly display.

The former New York mayor has since explained the reason why he took the call and denied it was a calculated move -- even though reports circulated he had done it at least once before.

"Quite honestly, since September 11, most of the time when we get on a plane, we talk to each other and just reaffirm the fact that we love each other," he told the Christian Broadcasting Network.

Hess called it a bizarre incident.

mongay

have you ever noticed that mondays suck? it's weird how you never hear anyone say that.

so i'm christening it 'mongay,' as in the bad kind of gay, not the good kind that i am, meaning filled with light, love and a need for provolone.