socal weekend

my aching everything

ah, my liver. this past weekend taught me that my body can't do the things it used to do and go unpunished. i think i slept 12 hours last night and still i'm barely moving. there'll be pics soon.

in the meantime, here's a piece that echoes my sentiments about john mccain exactly.

tgitnp

don't bring me down, bruce

clogging of a not-fun sort

The Worst Food in America
Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing
2,900 calories
182 g fat
240 g carbs

It's the caloric equivalent of eating 14 Krispy Kreme doughnuts, before your dinner arrives. Even if you split this "starter" with 3 friends, you'll have downed a meal's worth of calories.

ok, i admit it. the country's worst food is my favorite food.

though i haven't had one in over two years, i will -- in the immortal words of kimora lee simmons -- beat a bitch's ass if they get in the way of me and some aussie cheese fries.

luckily, my changed attitudes about eating have for the most part kept me away from chain restaurants and foods-of-the-goods like this particular starch-n-dairy-n-pork orgasm on a plate, but aussie cheese fries can be might persuasive when you're visiting family in the sticks and you pass a strip mall with an outback steakhouse giving you the 'come hither' look. next thing you know, that american made gas hog will pull in of its own volition and you're knee deep in glorious cheesy fatulosity! (true story)

if the biscuits and gravy don't kill you

...then the air will!

being glued to ye olde computer as i am, i couldn't help but read this story raging across all of the big news sites today regarding how smog can actually kill you. can you believe it? brown air is harmful!

however, courtesy of one of those nifty, newfangled interactive map whatchmajigs that the kids like so much these days, i found out that sepia-skied los angeles is actually far, far healthier than the piney woods from whence i came (and where my beloved family still lives). to wit:

los angeles county has 3x the pollution of the national median, with a national rank of 944th worst air in the country.

the south carolina county in which my parents live has nearly 11x the pollution of the national median, with a national rank of 350.

the south carolina county in which my sister's family lives ranks #744, with 4x the pollution.

i guess the upside is that i'll be getting my inheritance sooner (i kid, i kid).

there's a political rant in me somewhere about why the worst air is found in the poorest states, but i'll leave it at this: i bet if you did an overlay of red indicating "red states" on this map, you'd find the worst pollution levels in the same places where people overwhelmingly vote republican, which would give you a shining example of what voting against your own economic interests (not to mention environmental interests) gets you in 2008 america.

word!

because it can't always be lollipops and rainbows around here

so exciting

america's next top model

it's in the 80's in l.a. today, and the dogs couldn't be happier. they're like sun bunnies. all they wanna do is lie in the sun and bake and pant and try to eat flies as they pass. and loretta, of course, does her best tyra:

back in 5

between the sunbathing, snorkeling and volcano watching, i've barely had a moment to blog, but i promise to return soon (or at least once i've been able to un-attach the phone from my ear). in the meantime, how about learning a new trick?

skunkalicious

it was with much surprise and resignation that i realized this weekend that i've been "sontagged." right smack front-n-center of my hairline is a tuft of white hairs, all shiny-like and announcing to the world "we need a price check on aisle 5 on polident, epson salts, corn remover and metamucil!"

i think i better call ahead and request pre-boarding for my flight to paradise tomorrow -- i can't get around like i used to, now that i'm entering barbara bush territory (including the disappearing waist and very ostentatious pearls).

bring home the Sizzlean!

random thursday thoughts:

* i couldn't help but chuckle when i came across this headline

* i have vacationitis, and it feels so good. my liver is rested and ready.

* welcomed first overnight houseguest to the new pad, and fun was had by all, most espcially two very tired dawgs, one of which is passed out on the floor next to me right now

* it is april, which means the number of senile and/or drunk canadians misdialing my cell number (which is one digit off from the main number of an age 55+ country club) is about to drop off precipitously. to give you an idea of the frequency, 7 so far today. it goes up exponentially on the weekends, when they start calling security at all hours and booking brunch rezzies. my favorite is when they argue with me about whether they have the right number. also, that image you may have of all canadians being more benevolent and tasteful and less intrusive than us americans is not based in reality, as it turns out. they are just as mean and apparently love to drive fast in really big chevy tahoes, etc., just like they do here in the good ol' u s of a.

* after reading the umpteenth profile of the new r.e.m. 'comeback' record, i don't feel i even need to listen to it to have heard it. a case of too much PR, if you ask me.

memory lane

whenever i need a break from the ho-hum, i go fishin' on youtube to see what relics of my younger years i can unearth. today, i share with you my findings, and a thought: did all kids show creators drop acid daily in the '70s?