going to a town

writing this post from the campbell inn in beautiful downtown campbell, california. sooooo looking forward to my 'complimentary european-style breakfast' tomorrow! but, most importantly, i am looking forward to jumping through the final (and umpteenth) hoop put in front of me by an important potential client tomorrow at 1:30. i'm no psychic, but i see a martini in my future.

once that meeting is done, onto another one on tuesday with big new client, then southwest (the airline for the beautiful people) back up to l.a. to see rufus wainwright, then back on southwest wednesday morning for a 10:00 meeting, a 12:00 meeting, a 2:15 meeting, a 4:00 meeting, and a 6:00 meeting. add to that a 10:00 meeting on thursday morning (then back on southwest) and you can see how it is that the mister and i will be flying to hawaii for free in early fall with our frequent flier credits.

speaking of rufus, a friend o' ye olde blogge passed along an advanced copy of his newest, 'release the stars,' and the shit is the proverbial b-a-n-a-n-a-s, especially the single, the video for which i happened to catch tonight while doing some research in the online video market for work.

this is one of those times for me when a song comes along and puts its finger on all kinds of stuff you're feeling at the moment. enjoy:

thighs & whispers

sometimes a glance at the headlines on yahoo's home page is all the confirmation you need that the world is in a topsy-turvy place at the moment. for instance:

*US Prison Commander in Iraq Arrested

*Civil unions measure passes in New Hampshire

*Former CIA Director Tenet: "We do not torture people."

*World opinions diverge over whether to execute Bin Laden

*Gas prices rising in U.S., but unlikely to hit $4 mark (editor's note: except in California!)

*Regis Philbin back at work after triple bypass surgery

that last one is the one that pushed me over the edge into actual tears.

(note to all friends who fear i've gone missing and some republican operative has taken over posting here at ye olde blogge: i am still around, but won't be resurfacing again until thursday next week as i prepare to descend into the depths of running-your-own-business hell. promise to bring you all back a refrigerator magnet!)

more to love

so this is what vince vaughan used to look like. i'm not going to bother posting a new photo of him because i'm sure i don't have to tell you that time has not been kind -- or more likely cigarettes and booze, and i know of what i speak.

which is why i am so happy to report that i have miraculously lost 10 pounds in the past two months. maybe it's stress, maybe it's luck, maybe my metabolism is finally speeding up after 36 - er, 29 - years, or maybe i'm terminally ill and don't know it yet. whatever it is, thank you! this means i am down 20 pounds from my heaviest weight (i'm looking at you, 2001) and was so inspired that i took a four mile walk around the lake today. watch out, bikini briefs -- i'm heading your way!

i'm going to try to get down another 10 by mid-june and then see if i can hit another 10 by the end of the summer. how will i do it? i have several options thanks to modern science and oprah, so we'll just have to see what choices i make, but with god as my witness, i will be hungry again! i figure i've only got a few pretty years left and the pageant circuit waits for no man.

the apple doesn't fall far from that gnarled ol' tree

it is going to be a complete pleasure to go to europe in a few weeks and pretend like i live in a different frigging country. my ire was first raised today when listening to the radio and hearing bush say that he is "more confident than ever" in gonzales after his testimony last week.

GOOD GOD! did he even HEAR this guy's testimony? have you ever heard anything so pathetically evasive and downright perjurous (is that a word?) in your entire life? and he is EVEN MORE CONFIDENT in him NOW?

unfortunately, the mister just IM'd this info over to me, which just sent me into orbit:

Asked if voters should be weary of Romney being a Mormon, the former president's wife, Barbara, said "not at all," noting there are "wild people" in many religions.

"I mean it was in 1897 that bigamy was outlawed in that church," she said. "You know we have a lot of Christian wild people too, and a lot of Jewish wild people and a lot of Muslim wild people. The Mormon religion takes care of it's own, they don't have people on welfare.

it never rains in southern california

well, it does, and apparently it will, at long last, tomorrow and possibly sunday, after the driest year ever on record here. not that it hasn't rained at all (most notably last weekend when the dogs and us humans were startled awake by a pounding rain that lasted about 20 minutes and then was no more), but barely.

which makes me wonder if this is what we're looking forward to:

australia to cut off all irrigation

i wear black on the outside

ah, the smiths! preparing to go back to london in a few weeks brings me back to my first visit as a wee lad of 16. but i'm talking about a different kind of blackness than the sartorial kind. i'm talking....

google black!

someone's created a whatchamajigit that renders the whole google experience black, saving tons of energy and helping save our precious world in the process. plus, black is just the coolest, yo.

$2.99 at long john silver's

ok, i really debated whether to post this or not, but the gods of all things raunchy and unholy have whispered in my ear that i must share this with the people, and so i will.

i highly recommend that you watch the whole thing as every minute is worth savoring and surprise after surprise is unveiled. i think my jaw finally unhinged itself around minute five after dropping ever further with every new declaration.

warning: COMPLETELY unsafe for work.



ps--thanks to nobi for sharing.

we interrupt this frivolity...

...to bring you an important but buzz-killing message.

i got involved with this organization through a former client. whatever you do, don't watch the videos they have available, but if you've got a little change to spare, please do:

Stop the Seal Hunt

do you know the way to san jose?

my stock phrase for describing the san jose airport is this: "it looks like satan's interior decorator threw up and had explosive diarrhea simultaneously." it is my least favorite airport in america and yet i spend untold hours there each month, trying to shield my eyes from the overwhelming mauve-ness of it all while resisting the urge to sample some of their fine culinary fare, limited to california pizza kitchen asap (read: disgusting), mcdonald's ('nuff said), 360 gourmet burrito (before i get on a plane??), and cinnabon ('cinnabutt' is more like it!). oh yeah, there's a gordon biersch, but they don't serve food.

anyhoo, you can imagine my dismay when i read this little item today. what i wouldn't give for a distraction of this magnitude the next time i am boarding my four-hundred-thousandeth san jose-to-burbank flight:

"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul reportedly threw a "diva-like" tantrum while boarding an airplane recently, telling fellow passengers she was "too famous" to stand in line.

Abdul was boarding a Southwest Airlines flight from San Jose to Burbank, Calif., when she reportedly demanded to be given special treatment and board the aircraft first.

Eyewitnesses claim the star pushed her way to the front of a line of waiting passengers as one disgruntled commuter shouted, "You're no Sanjaya! You have to board like everyone else."

A source tells MSNBC.com's the Scoop, "She pulled a major diva trip. The other passengers were not amused. She asked to be let on the plane and seated first."

Abdul's spokesman has refused to comment.

(btw, that photo is taken from the official website of the city of san jose. the artlessness of this random photo of 'sjc' is merely a tish of a hint of the full-blown, harrowing blandness that is the city itself)

it's not easy being green

i've spared you, dear readers, from the story of the blow-up at the dry cleaners, but that does not stop the effects of that incident from lingering on forever in my little life.

long story short: there is a green dry cleaners 1/2 block from our house in l.a. we went there constantly because not only are they a non-toxic cleaners, but we could walk there, further reducing our carbon footprint and negative environmental impact. the cherry on top is that we were regularly supporting a neighborhood business. unfortunately, this joyful and serendipitious arrangement came crashing to earth with a resounding thud after the manager twice accused me (loudly and extremely rudely) of trying to rip them off after bringing back alterations that were done incorrectly.

so, we have been on the search for a new cleaners. there is an organic cleaners in palm springs very close to our place, but it's a hassle hauling the clothes there and back. then, thanks to a lengthy and extremely instructive feature on how to live greenly in los angeles magazine last month, i was directed to a website that lists all cleaners in southern california that don't use PERC. unfortunately, the closest one is about two miles away.

so, which principle do i forsake? the one that keeps me away from the horrible man 1/2 block away or the one that would argue that driving two miles to an organic dry cleaners is a wash if there is one 1/2 block away?

my eyes are crossed just thinking about it.

(and lest you think i am missing the forest for the trees in regards to the enlargement of our carbon footprint via frequent trips between los angeles and palm springs, that's where the prius comes in. and the downsizing from the behemoth that was our previous home to something small and very cute -- like me!)

you probably think this song is about you

i have to say, there is something about john & elizabeth edwards that i really like. during the 04 campaign, he seemed like the worst kind of slick-rick politician, but this whole thing with her being sick and staying in the race and the appearances they've made as a result talking about it has left me thinking that they are pretty damn genuine and courageous.

that said, i feel a little bad about sharing this:

we sight celebrities so you don't have to, volume ??

first, let me make something abundantly clear: we don't go to beverly hills. actually, we do, but hardly ever. in fact, the last time i went, it was on the gray line tour of stars' homes with my mom last summer.

so it was a rare treat when we ventured into the hills of beverly (actually, the flats of beverly) to have dinner at mr. chow, the beverly hills culinary institution. the food was flawless, which i didn't expect. but the scene? lordy! we saw wyclef jean, another rapper we recognized but can't remember the name of, and quentin tarantino and nearly the entire cast of 'grindhouse' celebrating marley shelton's (pictured) birthday. then came an a-list lesbian cabal, including leisha hailey, linda perry and assorted other sapphic lovelies. oh, what a night!

our normal format here at ye olde lyrical robot is to post photos of every celebrity we see, but it's just too much for me right now after partying with a client from 5:30 until 2:30 last night in scottsdale, from where today's dispatch is emanating. the upside of this hangover -- i got it while spending a private evening at taliesin west, frank lloyd wright's desert masterpiece/estate. that place blew me away, and i can't wait to come back and explore it again with the mister and anyone else who would like to sign on to a phoenix roadtrip.

now my hangover and i must return our pt cruiser (with great sadness) and fly back to beautiful downtown burbank. adieu!

mrs. voorhees

so it's friday the 13th and i am at the san jose airport. coincidence? i think not.

the news i have been waiting for with bated breath has not yet come and i fear calling to ask the outcome as i'd like to enjoy my weekend if the news is bad. so, for now, ignorance is bliss.

somehow, the weekend got totally packed with appointments and i leave on monday morning to drive to scottsdale on a 24 hour roundtrip. lordy!

have yourself a slam bang weekend, why doncha? and watch out for long-dead, drowned campers if you're swimming in any lakes this weekend.

nice apocalypse we're having!

today has been a crazy one in the city of angels, so much so that even going outside seemed to be hazardous to your health given all of the flying debris. not only that, but as i looked out towards the hollywood hills, the sky was this weird gray, dusty color -- duststorms! i guess that's what happens when you get no rain. as the ads for the i'm-sure-it's-incredibly-riveting hilary swank vehicle, 'the reaping,' implore me from every billboard in town: "what hath god wrought?"

funny, i'm asking myself the same question!

15 minutes

our little eastern corner of los angeles seems to be getting its fifteen minutes lately, what with a glowing profile of mt. washington/eagle rock in the ny times a few weeks ago and now this profile of our pedestrian-friendly neighborhood (though i have to admit we now are adjacent to the neighborhood vs. directly in it as we were before). now i actually have proof when i tell people we live in a very village-like area of l.a. - no one ever believes such a thing exists.

speaking of the ny times shining its eastern establishment light on us out here in the provinces, our very own 15 minutes of fame should be starting any minute now as the reporter for the piece on our former palm springs home contacted us to say the piece is close to running. unfortunately, he is still hounding me to give up financial details that we don't want printed anywhere, much less in the new york farkin' times, but reporters sure are persistent. and they say pr people are bad---harumph!

a way with words

tina fey said this about how she looks on HDTV, but i'd say i might apply it to myself today:

"i look like two frankensteins raped a dracula."

the waiting is the hardest part

as i let slip in yesterday's post, i'm a-waiting on some big news on the work front and it is killing me. the waiting is, indeed, the hardest part, mr. petty, and might i say that you are the best looking man in rock-and-roll while i'm at it?

with the chaos of late, it has been a rare thing that either myself or the mister have found ourselves in a kitchen doing anything other than opening a box or can or bag. tonight, however, all of that will change as i attempt to make 'tuna with peppers' from my third favorite cookbook of all time, 'the big book of casseroles.' i've made many dishes from this bible of 'serious comfort food,' as the subtitle says, and they are always a hit.

tonight, however, is a bit of an experiment as i don't love tuna, but it's bearable to me, and i'm trying to get more fish in my diet. in fact, i pretty much hate fish, but i am frog-marching my palate forward in the pursuit of healthy eating and more adventurous culinary avenues. my palate is going to be quite surprised when it finds itself in europe next month, sampling all kinds of woodland creatures stewed in their own organs, but perhaps not as suprised as when it was exposed to raw octopus tentacles in hawaii last year.

anyhoo, i have pretty much distracted myself with blogging for as long as is prudent given that i could be distracting myself with work whilst i await le big news, though i will fire off a few of my favorite things of late:

* amy winehouse, 'back to black' - i so don't try to go there with the hype machine, but this lady is worth it. the big single, 'rehab,' is probably the least of the songs on the album, and that's saying something.

* making fun of '300' - boy, did that movie suck eggs. the visuals were great, but i can't remember the last time i had to stifle laughs so frequently in a movie. that said, it has lead to a bit of a fun parlor game, where we like to speak to each other as the spartans of the movie, in very self-important, loud, angry and declarative sentences, such as "i now clean this toilet -- not for myself -- but for SPARTA!"

not safe for work

...but oh, so funny.

what a long, strange trip it's been

sigh. the move is over. here's a list of lowlights:

* having the movers who quoted you $1400 for your move hand you a bill for $3000

* said movers failing to move your stuff in time for your house to close escrow

* said movers breaking out six feet of 1/2 inch thick glass from a coffee table and leaving the shards and pieces lying all over the room for us to pick up

* said movers damaging seven other items of furniture, some of the damage deliberate

* said movers calling us "fucking fag**ts" to our faces and every other name you can think of for 48 hours straight (despite us being the nicest i think we have ever been to anyone)

getting an idea of how pleasant all of this was? to boot, our buyers, owners of a $50 million a year high-profile company, needled us via our realtor on an almost daily basis during escrow for furniture to be given to them for free. when we left select furniture for them, we found it two days later in a heap on the street for trash to pick up. the money we could of made if we'd consigned it--around $5k.

the good news: it's all over. except it's not. we are probably moving again! but that is another story for another time.

in the meantime, we are both waiting with bated breath for career-related news that could make a big diff in our lives and trying to get back to our life pre-move, hopefully with lots of dinners & drinks with friends, movies, long walks with the dogs, hikes...you get the picture.

thanks to everyone who helped make the last two months bearable and to lyrical robot's loyal readers for not minding the one-note and sparse content over the last few. we are finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

beginning to see the light

you don't want no drama

this move is so exhausting...

...it's even affecting our dogs.

is it me, or is it dry in here?

(gulp)