twister

i've never been in a tornado, but i sure feel like i have over the last week. to recount a few key events:

* was castigated at length by a crotchety golf course employee, resulting in free golf
* was castigated at length by a crotchety dry cleaning manager, resulting in a near-stroke on my part
* our current palm springs house went into escrow (knock on wood)
* put an offer in on a new palm springs house (knock on wood)
* received unexpected work from unexepected channels
* heard from several people i never thought i'd hear from again
* our kitchen in los angeles is almost finished, but not without a few lively arguments with the contractors
* bereft of groceries, the mister and i ate a block of cheese - plain, with a butter knife -- for lunch

and there's more:

* had picture taken with oscar nominee ryan gosling
* had the best dirty martini i've ever had, so went on to sample a few more, on a school night, no less (but i wasn't alone! oh no! far from it!)
* did tequila shots straight from the bottle on willie nelson's tour bus
* did tequila shots (in a glass this time) with 'pooty,' willie nelson's road manager for 36 years, in an undisclosed location
* looked on in curiousity at fran drescher in leather pants
* missed talking to arianna huffington as she stood a foot from me for some length of time as i didn't notice her (i couldn't see past the wine glass in my hand, apparently)
* made plans to go to costco, target & ikea all in the same night
* spent lots of time in a small room with johnny knoxville, harry dean stanton, and luke wilson (and with all that talent, we were still the most entertaining people in the room)

so, if you're wondering why the lyrical robot seems to have malfunctioned altogether, you now have a bit of an idea why.

the only fur you should wear is your own

:(

i like you

amy sedaris held a craft contest in which particpants were asked to place googly eyes on a food item, and this was the winner:

we sight celebrities so you don't have to vol. who knows

i've been a little lax on the celebrity sighting lately, mainly because we've been sticking close to home and not venturing out into celebrity habitats.

our new favorite hangout is mixville bar at the edendale grill -- 1/2 price appetizers during happy hour (wee!), fantastic drinks (ahh!) and outdoor seating (hoo-ah!) -- and only a four-minute walk from our place.

anyway, it's very neighborhoody, and we do have celebrities here in the hood, primarily of the indie rock/indie film/indie anything else you can think of ilk. so across two outings at mixville within the last week, we have seen:

actually, we only saw summer phoenix, no casey affleck in sight. interestingly enough, we saw summer phoenix and now-husband affleck with matt damon in 'this is our youth' in london in 2002. i thought of mentioning to her.

tony hale of 'arrested development' must live in the neighborhood as i've seen him a few times, but most recently last week. looks just like 'buster' in person, too.
this was funny, as out lesbian actress clea duvall walked past just as i was enacting marlee matlin's scenes from this week's episode of 'the l word.' i literally had to stop myself from walking over to her and griping about the fact that we stuck it out with 'carnivale' for a full year.

a musical theater moment

(swirly flourish and then...)

it was a crazy weekend
who knew it would be so crazy
i drank and i smoked
and then i felt so lazy

someone started a mean rumor
and we had to squelch it
sometimes adults act like children
that juice, is it by welch's?

we went to the golf course
and stunk it up real good
i love to be outdoors, though,
and drink beer like this white boy should

the oscars are coming up
but i'm too tired to blog it
because i am a slob
but i still know how to rock it

our house is selling
but is it really?
you never know
with a market that's wily nily

my hair is falling out
even though i'm a youthful (cough) 29
i don't want to be on rogaine
i'm hoping there are follicle-restorative properties in wine

so that's my musical musing
i hope you found it pleasing
my dog is really farting
it's time to start febrezing

1986 called. it wants its hair back.

somebody's been to a beverly hills butcher!

us & the gray lady

working in media relations, the scariest thing in the world to me is having to speak to a reporter on record. when you know all the myriad ways things can go wrong, it's almost paralyzing.

so how did i end up spending nearly three hours with the new york times, on the record?

it's a long story, and the short version is that we have our house on the market and a reporter and interactive producer for the nyt found photos of it online. next thing you know, the mister and i are being interviewed via phone about living in palm springs, mid century architecture, etc.

cut to yesterday morning, 8am. after a few stiff drinks the night before, we awake at 5:30 to drive out to the desert. getting both dogs and our tired asses out the door at that hour is a daunting task on the best of mornings, but yesterday was not a 'best of' kind of morning. i throw on a hat, track jacket, jeans from the day (days?) before. we head out the door.

lo and behold, upon our arrival, we find our realtor and the nyt guy in the driveway. we knew he was coming at some point, but thought we were going to be avoiding him. because this is part of a large interactive package on the web (in addition to a print story, as we understand it), he had quite a setup. still sleepy from the lack of sleep, groggy from the drinks of the previous night, and sore from two hours in the car, imagine my surprise when he says "can you get miked up and take me through the house?"

i did this, for an hour, and he said my recorded commentary would only be used as a form of notes for the story. let's hope so. then, he says "i want to get a shot of you."

so, at this point, i have to make a decision: look ridiculously vain and tell him 'wait one second while i get my crimping iron' or just go with it, unshowered, behatted, and slovenly. i opted for the latter, which i attribute to the 'ah, fuck it' impulse, which seems to grow stronger with every passing year.

the best part: i have to open the front door and say "hi, i'm so-and-so and welcome to my home!," then rattle off statistics about it. i do this five times, and i think i reached diane sawyer-esque cheesy perfection on the last take. i might be the new elisabeth hasselbeck, if only barbara walters would notice me.

you're probably wondering where the mister was. well, the mister was still suffering under flu conditions, so not feeling camera ready. you can likely imagine our further surprise when the reporter calls back after the hour and fifteen minutes he spent with us yesterday morning to say that he would like to come back for evening shots and interview both of us on camera.

so that's what we did. for whatever reason, he had us practically sitting in each other's laps (perhaps the liberal media is once again trying to promote homosexuality?). anyway, it was horrifying and yet i think, if you see us, you will notice that we are prettier and a lot more special than we were before.

happy whatchamacalit day

we're not too big on valentine's day around these here parts on account of having hard hearts and very thick skin. but what the hay -- here's one of my favorite love songs, albeit of the very dark 'he hit me and it felt like a kiss' variety.

ps: who am i kidding, i've got a totally pillow-like nougat center, but let's pretend i'm as road weary as i'd like you to think i am, k?

antony & the johnsons - fistfull of love

pps: xo to a very special someone born in emporia, kansas

a moral dilemma

i received this today, and boy was i stumped!

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving
an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. No one else
will know, so you won't be fooling anyone but yourself if you give
anything but a truthful answer.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you
will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please read
slowly and thoughtfully, giving due consideration to each line.

Here's the situation:

You are in Florida; Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you,
caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical
proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and
you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly
hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses
and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature
is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his
life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer...
somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's
George W. Bush, President of the United States!!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to
take him under... forever. You have two options - you can save
the life of G.W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning
photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.


So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:



Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the
classic simplicity of black and white?

adventures in hdtv

a nasty virus befell the other half, leaving us sequestered inside our 3/4 demolished home, camped out on the floor, rapidly working our way through netflix (quinceanera - thumbs up, and with a surprise appearance by two people we know; sherrybaby - another thumbs up, but i never quite believed maggie gyllenhaal in the role), pay-per-view (idiocracy - worth watching; who killed the electric car - not great, but worth watching, with another surprise appearance by someone we know; and matthew barney: no restraint - not sure what to say about this one except probably more enjoyable for an art nerd), dvr'd shows (the sarah silverman program - genius!) and, finally, the grammy telecast, in hdtv.

hdtv can be amazing at times (nature, on pbs, for instance) and frightening at others (any current footage of sharon stone not shot from 300 yards away). i wasn't quite prepared for some of what i saw this evening in very hd close-up.

the good: mary j. blige, rihanna, carrie underwood (down to the surprisingly symmetrical chicken pox scars on each cheek), ludacris, beyonce, jennifer hudson and her 'twins,' and the list goes on.

the bad: john mayer (must he make that face??), james blunt (those dilated pupils were definitely due to something other than the bright lights shining in his eyes as he haltingly made his way through the carnage that is 'you're beautiful'), and justin timberlake (attention award show and video directors: don't ever again give this guy a camera to shove in his own face)

the highlight? the dixie chicks winning every single award they were up for, sweeping every major category. i love that natalie maines continues to make snide comments at the expense of the country music establishment. as far as i'm concerned, they've got it comin' as long as she wants to keep dishin' it out. word! to your mama!

we sight celebrities so you don't have to vol. 6

yep, hollywood's 'most liked' himself...looking surprisingly not weird. i just don't like him, or his looks, and don't ask me why. spotted at the arclight on the red carpet at the premiere of this movie i've never heard of, which he apparently produced. the picture above is from said evening.

we were there to see 'children of men.' despite wooden acting (and that's being kind) from the usually reliable julianne moore and a script (with something like nine credited writers involved) that seemed cobbled together over a long night of slurpees, twinkies and slim-jims, the movie really got under my skin. the action sequences were some of the most effective i've ever seen, and the sound design was incredible, literally shaking the seats in the theater in a few spots. also, its dystopian vision of the future (2027 in this case) was eerily believable. there is an absolutely amazing set piece involving one of the heads of british government (apparently the last government standing in the world at this point) who has taken over the Tate Modern as his home and has both the david and picasso's "guernica" in his dining room, with the pink floyd pig floating lifelessly outside the window:

schizophrenic

you know i hate it when my readers get all addled by the sometimes fiery political commentary available here at ye olde blogge (see post below). and i want you to know i have a soft, plush side as well (it's called a stomach).

anyway, to soothe the most sensitive of sensibilities, and to prove that i'm not one of those 'rabid left wing liberals' you have heard so much about in your focus on the family newsletters, i give you:

you reap what you sow

dan savage savages mary cheney

and the oscar for best horror movie goes to...

...'jesus camp'! actually, it's nominated in the best documentary category, but it rivals any slasher flick i've ever seen for being poop-your-pants S-C-A-R-Y, not to mention almost unbearably sad.

if you're not familiar, the movie covers a children's pastor named becky fischer who runs a pentecostal (read: way fundamentalist) family camp for kids and their parents in the north dakota wilderness.

when perched comfortably from a blue-state perch, it's often very easy to laugh at the antics and machinations of ultra right-wing christians, but watching this movie, that sense of complacency left me in the first three minutes, and it just got scarier from there.

granted, the filmmakers have used horror-movie type music in places to heighten your sense of dread -- and this is by no means an even-handed look at the subject -- but you really won't believe the easy comparisons to beer hall putsch-era nazism.

watching this was unexpectedly emotional for me as someone who grew up in less severe, but nevertheless fundamentalist southern baptist church. you realize that any of these kids who are intellectually curious are going to have a real uphill battle ahead of them as they try to reconcile increasing doubt with the brainwashing they've been through.

so, check it out, but probably best to have a stiff drink in hand first, like the godless swine you know you are!

wordy nerdy sights celebrities so you don't have to, vol. 1

someone is trying to out celebrity-sight me! now i'm actually going to have to leave the house!